Hello out there to the invisible peeps reading along at home…I haven’t totally fallen off of the map…Life is just crazy busy for the past few weeks, and will continue to be crazy busy for the coming two weeks.  Lots of stuff has happened and I wish I had the time or energy to write about them, but I dont :(.  I will share however that this past weekend I tested for my 3rd stripe, and now can lay claim to being a 3 stripe white belt (whatever that entails….I know there’s been some great posts on that whole can of worms previously!)

Incase I don’t get a chance, enjoy halloweeen..did I just spell that with three e’s?  See, I have to go to bed now.  Can’t wait until life slows down a bit so I can get back to posting.   Thanks for sticking with me 🙂


Apology to my body–and goal reminder

Dear Body,

I’m sorry.  I haven’t been treating you very well lately.  I’ve been running all over the place, trying to have 16 hour days with only 5 hours of sleep.  I can’t really blame you for rebelling!  And then to top it all off, this week I forgot to go grocery shopping so I have been eating gross school food for lunch.  I’m sorry–but I thought it was better then starving you!

I PROMISE that this weekend I will set aside some time inbetween band and my bjj stripe test to do the following:  1.  RELAX, 2. GO GROCERY SHOPPING, and 3.  Do some minor cleaning so you don’t have to live in a pig sty.

I am reminding myself of my goal–my next karate belt is one size smaller then my current belt.  It’s all set aside for me and waiting.  When I go to karate on Saturday we are going to go visit it.  But until then, this picture will have to do:

This is my next karate belt, one size smaller then the one I'm wearing now!

Thank you body for being patient with me.  I realize the error of my ways and am taking steps to correct them so we can get along better and achieve our goals.



aaahhhh sleep

Today when i got home from school I passed out.  i woke up around 5:30.  I decided it was a bad idea to go to bjj or karate tonight.  I think I’ve just been super stressed and tired and my body needed the night to recouperate.  Thanks for hanging in there with me.


I do not handle emotional stress well

This week, emotionally…well sucks…

And, as my incredibly orginal descriptive title suggests, I do NOT handle emotional stress. Not just not well, like not at all.

I’m angry, jealous, frustrated, lonely, unhappy, overworked–and of all of those, the only one I can deal with well is the overworked…cause it’s not an emotion.

The problem is not short, or uncomplicated (duh, of course not)

It goes something like this:

I am a school teacher. (which is an emotionally stressful draining job anyway). I don’t have a contract. this will be the 2nd year without a contract. That means I haven’t recieved any raise in 2 years. Oh, and 2 years ago I bought a condo expecting to be making more money in two years. whoopsie!

I coach the color guard of a marching band for extra money. So Sept-Nov, my Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and a bunch of Sundays are taken up with marching band, and During Jan-April 3 days a week with winter guard.

If you’ve been reading along, I recently found out that one of my co-color guard instructors likes one of the marching band instructors who I had my eye on (bats eyelashes)

Which brought out this evil jealous girl monster, and has had serious emotional reprocussions.

It occured to me that of course I finally found a guy I like (and actually would consider like being proactive in trying to get) at band, because I’m ALWAYS AT BAND. I don’t have any TIME to go out on the weekends because I’m ALWAYS AT BAND. And even if I FOUND someone else, I wouldn’t ever have time to see them because I’m ALWAYS AT BAND!!!! (Insert circular argument here about not having any time)

I HAVE to do band. It’s my second job. I cannot survive without it. Despite what the rest of my state thinks, teachers (for the most part) are NOT rich or overpaid in any way, shape or form. Don’t get me started. I’ll be another 10 years on that one. The other two instructors who teach with me are both part time…one cause she just had (a super gosh darn adorable) baby, and the other is in college. Which leaves dependable ME here full time. All the time. ALL THE TIME. Except for next saturday, when I managed to get off for a couple of hours so I can go to bjj for stripe test.

I’m TIRED of working all of the time. I want to have the opportunity to meet someone, settle down, all that jazz.

But I don’t. and it’s frustrating, and anger-inducing..and I’m jealous of my other guard instructors who are or have opportunities to do so…and I just…can’t deal with that. Don’t know how. Broken. Would like to smash a fist into the wall. Cept then I’d hafta fix the wall myself…tired of being super independant female. It sucks sometimes.

Right now I get two days out of the week that I get to do stuff for myself: Mondays and Thursdays. Mondays I spend some time cleaning my house and then I go to Karate & BJJ. Thursdays I watch NCIS online and then I go to Karate.

I just….don’t know what to do…I’m frustrated cause I need to keep this job…it pays well and I need the money…but it is not helping my personal goals….not at all…

I’m sorry. My word count is now at 546. I try not to whine…Just stuff is stressful right now and I needed somewhere to share it…so here I am…cause I don’t feel so bad cause I know *invisible* you can stop reading if you want…

How do you deal with….

A new woman bjj student who is very competative and doesn’t like to be corrected (even when you weren’t even trying to correct her you were just coaching while she was rolling?)

So first, lets start out that there was an odd # of people, and in particular, the oddness was that there were three women. So for our drills, me and lisa were partners, and new bjj girl went with Sensei Nancy. Fine, all and good. Today we spent time reviewing stuff that is going to be on the exam coming up in two weeks…and then time to roll…Sensei Nancy couldn’t roll because she hurt her knee, so we made a three-some (that sounds so wrong! lol)

Anyway, first she complains that it is annoying when there is an odd number of people that one person has to sit out…well, that’s just kinda the way it works….everyone’s been there…

Anywho, Lisa and I roll first, and when Cabeca (our instructor) says switch, Lisa goes with the new girl. Lisa is starting to learn how to hold her own, so I decided to help the new girl, who was in Lisa’s guard, and totally failing to put her hands on Lisa’s hips…So I’m giving basic advice….put your hands on her hips, posture up…anywho, when the roll was finished, she (new girl) was super defensive, “I was trying to do that the whole time!” I was thinking to myself, no, you weren’t, your hands weren’t even NEAR her hips, never mind ON her hips, NEVER MIND controlling her hips. But I didn’t say any of that I just nodded.

My turn for the insanity. I roll with her. She’s a beast…refused to get caught in guard, which was good (well for her, not for me!), and got to side control. I was bad and let her take my back cause I knew she’d give me enough space to get out….and although she has some wrestling background (apparently the rest of her family wrestles) I was pretty sure she didn’t know how to finish from there. And I was right, got out from there and into her guard….don’t really remember the next couple of moves, but she ended up in mount (she’s fast) but then she just…sat there….like she was riding a horse. Really? You worked really hard to get to mount, and now you are just going to sit there and squeeze all the air out of me? I wanted to show her how to finish, but I kept my mouth shut cause I didn’t want her to get all defensive on me again. Instead I worked on getting out of mount (which for the record, is HARDER when your opponenet is just refusing to do anything cause it’s much harder to get them off balance!) I got almost halfway there when time was called…I was positively exhausted….and I had been trying to slow down–but she was…i dunno…a tornado?

Anywho, I was totally put off by her getting all defensive on me…I guess I’ll just keep my mouth shut? Or just help Lisa next time! 🙂

Today I feel like a typical Jealous Female–I HATE IT!

Warning: Female Girly Rant that has nothing to do with BJJ. Read at your own risk!!!


So today I found out that one of the other guard instructors has a serious crush on one of the other band staff members, who I happen to have a super serious crush on also….uggghhh…and I am sooo jealous cause she and the other guard instructor was talking about it and the other guard instructor was like, well you could make a move during our championship weekend…blah blah blah..and i’m thinking to myself…NO, that was MY PLAN….grrrrr…it’s just not fair….and there’s no one I can talk to about it and I hate life……well…..love life…uggghhh…Life feels so unfair right now….I’m just mad cause she probably has the better chance cause she’s likely to actually try and I’m not that forward and…ugghh…but then i talked to someone else and they mentioned they thought he had a girlfriend, and then I was like, that’s fine as long as it isn’t my other guard instructor! I feel like was just transported back to when I was 15. Really?

sorry all you guys out there who accidently read thru this….but I figured the title was warning enough!

Okay, rant over, time to get over myself, stop whining, and keep moving.

Thanks for listening….:/